Putting Funeral Directors on the Map

Five years ago, when I started my journey into Funeral Service, one of the first things I did was turn to the internet for resources. I wanted to know what to expect from my future day-to-day life. What would the workload look like? What would the job really entail? Were there tips, shared experiences, or other resources from people already working in the profession?

I was shocked to find that there were very few resources available.

When I did find something useful, it was often buried deep within a Reddit thread or an online conversation. Those candid, back-and-forth discussions became some of the most valuable sources of information I had. They gave me small pieces of insight into the details and logistics of the career I had been planning to pursue since middle school.

But there was one major part of the profession that I couldn’t find much information about. One part that I knew almost nothing about until I was knee-deep in the industry.

Arguably, one of the most important—and most difficult—parts of Funeral Service:

The emotional aspect.

The closest thing I could find that felt remotely applicable to the experience of being a funeral director was hearing the stories of first responders. The things they see. The things they experience behind the scenes. The moments they carry with them long after the call is over.

Much of the respect we have for first responders comes from the fact that they willingly face things most people never have to see. They witness trauma firsthand: suicides, car accidents, murders, overdoses, mass fatalities, and the aftermath of disasters.

And I want to be clear: I am not saying that my work as a funeral director is the same as the work of a police officer, EMT, or firefighter. There are aspects of those careers that I am not sure I would personally have the strength to do. I have an immense amount of respect for first responders and the strength they demonstrate every day. The way they put themselves directly in harm’s way to protect and serve others is truly admirable.

But I am posing a different question—one that I believe has a very important answer that is not recognized by many:

Where do the suicides, the car accidents, the murders, the overdoses, and the mass fatalities go once the first responders leave?

They come to us.

We are the people who show up behind the scenes and take over from there. We, too, face things most people never have to see.

We see the aftermath. We handle what is left behind. We work with families in the moments immediately following some of the worst experiences of their lives. We encounter trauma, sometimes repeatedly, while still being expected to remain composed, professional, and present for the people who need us.

And yet, when we talk about professions that are exposed to trauma, funeral directors are rarely part of the conversation.

We are not on the map.

That needs to change.

I remember a moment from a few years ago that still sticks with me, and I think it perfectly illustrates the point I’m trying to make.

It was around Christmas, and I found myself wandering through the personalized ornament aisle. As I looked around, I found nearly every profession represented. Nurses, police officers, firefighters, ambulances, doctors—you name it. I eagerly searched for something that represented my own profession.

I have so much pride in what I do, and it genuinely makes my day when I see something that represents Funeral Service out in the world. So I was excited to find something I could put on my own Christmas tree.

But that excitement quickly faded when I realized there was nothing for funeral directors.

Nothing.

That was nearly five years ago, and unfortunately, not much has changed. Every Christmas, I still find myself looking through those aisles. The difference is that I’m no longer disappointed when I don’t find anything that represents our profession. I’ve learned that if I want those things, I usually have two options: create them myself or order them from a niche website run by someone within the industry.

And while a Christmas ornament may seem like a small or insignificant example, to me, it represents something much bigger.

For the first time in 2024, the year I graduated from Mortuary School, our program director was excited to announce that the Funeral Service program would be getting a purple stole embroidered with “FS” for Funeral Service, to represent us on graduation day—to give us something that would set us apart from other programs and represent our field, just like the nursing program had theirs.

The Funeral Service program was started there in 1974.

That was 52 years ago, and 2024 was the first year someone had come up with something to represent our field on graduation day.

We aren’t represented in the places people expect us to be.

We aren’t always part of the conversation. We aren’t always included in the resources, recognition, or support that other professions receive. And sometimes, it feels like we have to create those things for ourselves simply because no one else has thought to put us there.

That is exactly what I mean when I say I want to put funeral directors on the map.

Funeral directors deserve to be on the map—not because we want to diminish the work of first responders, but because we need to acknowledge the work we do, the things we see, and the emotional weight that can come with this profession.

There are conversations happening about first responders. There are resources, support systems, research, and communities built around helping them process what they experience.

But where is that conversation for funeral directors?

Where are our resources?

What are we supposed to do with the weight of seeing those same suicides, car accidents, and murder victims?

There are times when our work requires us to be much more up close and personal with those cases. We don’t just encounter the circumstances surrounding someone’s death—we work directly with the person who died, while simultaneously supporting the family left behind and navigating the emotional weight of the situation ourselves.

There are cases that stay with us.

Cases we don’t forget.

Cases that sometimes follow us home at the end of the day.

We go back to our families, our homes, and our everyday lives carrying things that most people will never know we saw that day. And because we are funeral directors, there can be an expectation that we simply know how to handle it. That because being around death is part of the job, we should somehow be able to separate ourselves from it.

But being accustomed to death doesn’t make us immune to it.

We are human, too.

So who is checking on us?

Who is creating the resources we need?

Who is making space for funeral directors to talk honestly about the things we see, the things we carry, and the things this profession can take from us?

I don’t have all of those answers.

But I do know that the conversation needs to start somewhere.

Maybe putting funeral directors on the map doesn’t begin with recognition from everyone else. Maybe it begins with us recognizing that these conversations matter, creating the resources we wish we had, and making sure the next person entering this profession doesn’t have to search through hundreds of Reddit threads just to find someone willing to say:

“I’ve seen it too. And you’re not alone. What you’re feeling is not abnormal.”

This is the main reason I started this blog.

I want to be a resource for the next up-and-coming funeral director who is searching for the resources, honest conversations, and sense of community that I couldn’t find when I was starting out.

I want to be a resource for the spouse of a funeral director who wants to understand more about what their partner sees, experiences, and carries home with them.

I would love nothing more than to create a tight-knit community where funeral directors can have these conversations openly, share our very real experiences, and know that we don’t have to navigate them alone.

And maybe, just maybe, someone completely outside of the death care industry will read these words, share them with someone else, and start a conversation of their own.

Because awareness has to start somewhere.

Maybe this is where we start putting funeral directors on the map.